Me First

FROM FIRST TO LAST IN A WORLD OF SELF-FOCUS

Help yourself! It’s a common message we see and hear. Go to school and get the job that sets ME up for success. Take a day off for MY mental health. Get this great deal for ME. Stay with the people that make ME feel good. Wherever I go, I take care of myself and do what’s best for ME. But what if that isn’t actually for our best? Self-focus is everywhere and it takes shape in different ways all over the world. Many praise it and encourage it, but what if it’s hurting us and others more than we realize? 

Each of us is guilty of putting ourselves first and being selfish. We do this more often than we are willing to admit, or maybe we shamelessly flaunt it. When asked about our top priorities, a study found that our generation’s priorities include (1) helping ourselves feel good and (2) freely expressing ourselves. When looking at our priorities we put self-care, self-love, self-expression, self-acceptance, and self-benefit first, even at the expense of others. Seek first Your kingdom, and all You want will be Yours—that’s how we live. We really are selfish. 

Our selfishness has become so normal that we’re blind to it. We want to take care of ourselves and do what’s best for us, “at whatever the cost.” This is why we see more students at universities making up fake (or exaggerated) disabilities for personal benefit. Employees call in “sick” to work because they just don’t want to go in. People don’t show up to commitments because they’d rather prioritize their desires over the people that are counting on them. If we don’t want to do it, we won’t. This is the result of self-promoting messages from social media, tv shows and movies we watch, examples from friends and family, teachings from culture, and the good feelings that self-focus momentarily brings us. “Do what is best for you” and “you’re special.” Mmmm… That feels good. 

None of this should be a surprise, though. Sin first began with help-yourself, then it continued with save-yourself, and it was repeated over and over (and over). Sin is fueled by selfishness to do good unto ourselves. And it’s not going to get any better in a world that doesn’t want God. The Bible predicts that people will increasingly be lovers of self and pleasure (2 Tim 3:1-4). We’d rather save ourselves daily, instead of giving our lives up for the sake of anyone else.  

If you’re a Christian, none of this should describe you. This is too common, however, among many people who call themselves Christians. Go to church when it fits my schedule. Show up to get a message that makes me feel good. Sit by the same people, the ones I like best. Serve here and there, then use the remaining days and time for me. Read the Bible and pray when it’s convenient, feels good, or benefits me. But how many of us are actually sacrificial as Jesus was, giving up our time, calendars, resources, and desires for God and others ON AND OFF the clock? We follow a savior who lived in radical selflessness. If we were supposed to live a life of self-focus, then Jesus never would’ve died. Then, we never would’ve been saved. But Jesus did live a God-and-others-focused life. So, we are supposed to imitate this as Christians, and God has given the Holy Spirit to help us do this. This is where we find true joy. 

When we live a life of self-focus, we miss out on the life that God made us to live. We lose out on the community He’s given us, because we are too busy with our own worries and cares, instead of loving others. But when we focus on reflecting God’s love back to Him and to others, we find real joy and wholeness. We find freedom from a cycle of pressure to be perfect and trying to please ourselves. We find rest in Someone (not you) who is perfect, doesn’t mess up, and has the answers we need. We find a renewed strength, and our faith returns to its rightful place—in Jesus, not ourselves. Because all that we are looking for within our imperfect selves, is actually whole in Jesus. We finally learn to seek first His kingdom, and not our own (Mt. 6:33). 

Jesus didn’t tell us to put God first, others second, and ourselves last to make life miserable. Following His way may seem counterintuitive, but it’s the real deal. Anything else we try outside of Jesus will make us emptier. He created us and knows that we can’t live a satisfying life when we live for ourselves. He is our antidote to the disease of selfishness, bringing true healing, hope, joy, and purpose beyond understanding. He helps us love others well and provides us the true love and joy that we seek if we are willing to live like Him—putting “me” last. 

¹washingtonexaminer.com/in_focus/3896649/how-american-values-collapsed-how-restore-them/. 

²thetimes.com/us/news-today/article/40-percent-stanford-undergraduates-claim-disabled-sw99r3k8c