One Girl’s True Story
UNDERSTANDING FAITH
This testimony is from Hannah, a member of Street Level Ministries in Menomonie, WI.
I grew up with my single mom in a suburb of Minneapolis, Minnesota, while I occasionally visited my dad in San Diego, California. Both of my parents call themselves Christians, but I am not sure if they are really believers. I pray that they know and live for God zealously. Still, I am blessed that they introduced me to Jesus and the church at a young age.
In fourth grade during a Wednesday small group, I asked God to forgive me of my sins and come into my heart because it sounded like a pretty good gig, but I didn’t know exactly what it entailed. Throughout middle school, my faith became more of my own as opposed to something inherited by my family. In eighth grade, I went through a class that was like confirmation for my non-denominational church called Approved Unto God (AUG). It taught me complex doctrines that helped me to strengthen and mature in my faith. Yet, I still had some unanswered questions that I didn’t pursue answers to and instead ignored. At the end of AUG, I joined our junior high ministry in serving the community in Colorado on a mission trip where I shared my testimony in a large group for the first time. Seeking to serve God more, I began serving in my church’s nursery and later as a service host (usher).
During high school, I tried to become more of a disciple in speaking about Jesus with my non-Christian friends, and I sang in my senior high worship band. With less and less in common with my non-Christian friends, I drifted apart from my former friend group who fell into drinking and partying. At the end of high school, our senior high pastor told our tight-knit group that statistics say that most of us will fall away from the faith and not pursue Jesus in our adult lives. His point was that the church equipped us with everything we’d need to preserve our faith and do amazing things for God. I was determined to prove that statistic wrong. At that point, I had an attitude like Peter that I would never betray Jesus, and that I would never be a person that questions God (Matthew 26:33-35).
Fast forward to my freshman year of college. I took a psychology class with a professor who I respected in many ways but was a devout atheist. I tried not to let her philosophies taint what I thought I believed so strongly. However, many of the questions and doubts I had not previously explored festered in my mind. Soon I fell into a spell of doubt and despair that lasted two and a half years. My thoughts raced: How could I believe in God if there is so much we can’t know? Does the Bible have laws that contradict each other? And are they impossible to follow? It came down to pride. God is the only One who knows everything, and by insisting I must know everything about God before I can know Him, I was putting myself on the same level as Him. What I began to understand later is the laws that God puts in the Bible to protect us because He loves us are impossible to follow on our own, but God makes anything possible. It took years before I realized this.
I felt depressed and alone. While working on general education requirements at my community college, there was an opportunity for me to join a Bible study at school and the college ministry at my church. I went to a couple of meetings and stopped going. My church attendance became off and on, yet I continued to be a service host. I remember feeling like an impostor going to church while, at one point, telling close family that I was agnostic. However, I continued to go as it forced me to think about the meaning of life. I wanted there to be a God even though I was not sure of His existence anymore. This period of my life was very humbling. God allowed me to be broken so I could truly understand what faith meant and trust Him with everything.
God allowed me to be broken so I could truly understand what faith meant and trust Him with everything.
Toward the end of my sophomore year of college, I was weary and disillusioned. I would pray to God that if He does exist, that He would reveal who He really was to me and provide me with new Christian friends. Many of my prayers were selfish, like Thomas doubting Jesus rose again without seeing the nail marks through His hands (John 20:24-29). Through it all, God had a plan, and He answered my prayer in His own time.
When I transferred to UW-Stout, God generously provided me with a Christian roommate (who quickly became my best friend), Christian mentors, and a supportive church community and ministry through Street Level and Believers City Church. With research, I was able to wrap my head around some previously unanswered questions, and I trusted God with the rest. More importantly, God softened my heart toward Him. Now I can say with confidence that He has saved me.
God taught me to listen more closely to others and His answers. They may not be in the time frame I wanted or what I expected, but they are good, nevertheless. I began serving God again through Burning Dog Radio at Believers City Church. This time it is more out of joy and less out of obligation. Recently, He has been teaching me to be bolder in sharing my faith with others. He gave me the opportunity to be more involved at Street Level and share my testimony with people in a large group again and one-on-one.
A major teaching point that He has been making clear to me lately is to trust Him completely with my career, education, and future. I received a job offer for after graduation, prayed to God asking Him if it is where He wants me, and accepted it. I have been in prayer about finding the right church near my new job, but if that if it is not where God wants me, that He would make it evident. With the coronavirus outbreak, there was uncertainty as to whether my training program would be canceled or if I could graduate. I had a surprising amount of peace knowing God would take care of my true needs regardless of the outcome. He has already given me salvation. I am still able to take the classes I need to graduate online. The recruiter emailed me back a week ago that my training program will be moved from June to September. However, no matter what will happen, I know that God is good all the time.
-Hannah