A Letter to a Junior Tempter

THE DISTURBING PERSPECTIVE OF DEMONS

Recently, there was a breach in Demon Intelligence. From what we can tell, the following correspondence comes from a Senior Devil named Slipnoose to his nephew, a Junior Tempter called Mugwort. Proceed with caution, reader, as demons are not particularly cordial folk, and it’s easy to lose your bearings in their warped perspective. To them, right is wrong, good is bad, and God is the Enemy. However, we hope that this letter may provide insight into the forces at work in your own life and ultimately help you overcome them. 

My Dear Mugwart,

So, your boy is going to university. You do right to worry. It seems that up until now you’ve been successful in keeping him loosely involved with the Enemy’s pathetic followers in a way that quells his conscience without making any real impact on him. Good show, young devil, but your true work as a Tempter actually begins now. 

We have lost many a soul during these precarious years. They’re pushed right out from the wonderfully dulling influence of their parents, forced to think for themselves, and before we’ve even had a proper chance to lead them astray, He’s made Himself known to them. And I will tell you this, which I’m sure you remember from your time at the Tempters’ Training College: Once the Enemy lays His clutches on one of their filthy little hearts, He doesn’t let go, no matter our best efforts to rip them away. Heed my words, nephew. You must act wisely now or you will have much to answer for and much to suffer if you do not succeed. 

However, before you lose your courage altogether, let me also remind you that this is an absolutely opportune time to largely win over this pitiful creature to our side. While you can never be truly sure about your boy until he expires and passes into our realm, there is much you can do now to bind him on a trajectory that leads him right to us, where he belongs — in Hell. So, I am happy to share with you my wisdom on the methods that can best secure his hopeful damnation. 

First and foremost, I advise that you keep him away from the Enemy’s motley crew of misfits, the Christians, at all costs. You know the sort I mean. Particularly the unimpressive weak ones who put no stock in their own ability. The Enemy just adores their idiotic reliance on His incessant help, which makes them nearly impenetrable to us. This lot understands reality as it actually is, and the last thing you want is for your boy to catch on. He cannot know about our kind. He cannot realize the danger he’s in. Let him believe in some vague thought of what the Enemy is like, a passive jolly old man in the sky, that’s all well and good, but do not let him find out what’s truly at stake here. Those who belong to the Enemy snooping about in his affairs put our entire operation in jeopardy. Do whatever it takes to keep them away. 

Instead, might I suggest luring him towards those embracing their newfound “freedom?” Find others about his age who’ve thrown their parents’ secondhand morality to the wind and entice him to join in. In the current age, it’s quite vogue for humans to believe that the absence of self-control will make them happy. Silly to you and I, yes. For them, we know that pursuing freedom from all restraint can be as much of a trap as tight-fisted rule-following. I’ve led many down this road, to “follow their hearts.” And then I’ve relished the clown show that followed as they flopped about in life like gasping trout removed from their water. But your boy doesn’t know that this will happen. Play on his naiveté. 

While I must nearly stifle a yawn due to the lack of creativity in my next piece of advice, it is a tried and true tactic for most of his age. Lure him with alcohol. If you can lead him to the right group, you won’t even have to lift a finger to ensure his inevitable addiction to the stuff. Many humans don’t even know how to enjoy themselves without it. These are the “friends” you should be sure to put in his path. If there’s any sense in him and he resists, play on his horror of being inferior in the eyes of his peers. Make life outside of what they call the “party scene” seem as tedious and gray as possible. If you’re lucky, you may even be able to trap him in a lovely cycle of binge-drinking, self-disgust, and then more drinking that can last for years and years of misery to come. 

Speaking of peers, keep your eyes peeled for a decently immoral female that you can torment him with. Let him think that having her will cure all his woes. This is a particularly fun game since no amount of sex or attention from another human being can ever fill the void in the them that exists by His design. The Enemy intends for them to share in a grotesquely intimate connection with Him, and they can’t truly be settled by anything less. Best your boy never finds that out. Convince him that a woman will satisfy his deepest longings. When she doesn’t, lead him onto the next one. 

If your man isn’t the “sex, drugs and rock and roll” type, that’s just fine. Get him to devote himself to something he thinks is particularly noble instead. This can be an excellent way to increase his smugness. The most obvious pursuit would be his schoolwork. A sport could be another avenue if he’s not the studious type. Whatever it is, paint a glorious future that he thinks he could achieve if he does well enough at that thing. After that, his self-righteousness and anxiety will practically do your job for you in tormenting him. 

I will offer you this one last warning, as well: Keep him from hitting rock bottom. We can’t have him start identifying himself as a complete and utter failure. When people get to that spot they are at the greatest risk of admitting their need for help and, therefore, of being helped by Him. His bleeding heart for the weak and needy is unbearably nauseating. The game is to make your boy think he could get himself out of whatever mess he’s in if he just tried a little harder. This shouldn’t be too difficult a task. Humans deplore admitting failure because it exposes the reality of their total inability. What they do not realize is that some of the most miserable failures in the human realm have gone on to become some of the greatest and most honored in the Enemy’s forces. We can’t have this happen with your man. Prepare yourself for what’s ahead and keep your wits about you, Mugwort. I’d hate to see what would happen to you if we lose another one. 

Your affectionate uncle,

Slipnoose

This piece was inspired by C.S. Lewis’ book The Screwtape Letters. This book features a collection of satirical letters from a Senior Demon named Screwtape to his nephew and Junior Tempter, Wormwood. Read it online here: bit.ly/2MufQBR