Wait, How Do I Make Friends?

FIVE STEPS TO SURVIVE SOCIAL INTERACTION

So, you just went to an event and didn’t have anyone to talk with? Everyone hates that feeling. A little social awkwardness doesn’t make you a weirdo. You naturally long for human interaction but just aren’t quite sure how to get yourself out there. You aren’t alone It’s common nowadays for people to pay therapists to listen to them and spend time with them, which used to just naturally come from having good friends. But many of those people are just like you–wanting friends but not knowing how to get there. Here’s your simple guide on how to be less lonely:  

Step 1: Walk up to someone. Yep, you have to go where the people are (aka not standing awkwardly in the corner looking at the weather app). It’ll take some bravery, but skip this step, and you’re waiting for other people to come to you, which may only happen if you show up new to a church for the first time. Make a move! Try going to school clubs or local Bible study groups. These have enough people for meaningful connections without being overwhelming. (P.S. Making the first move is a great way to make yourself more approachable and puts others at ease, too.)  

Step 2: Introduce yourself. “Hi, my name is Alan.” But what do you say after that? Low-hanging fruit includes: your major, your hometown, the classes you’re taking this semester, etc. Finding common interests can propel simple small talk into deeper conversations.  

Step 3: Ask them questions. Don’t just answer the questions they ask you. Conversations go two ways, y’all! But be warned: asking questions implies you’re actually interested in getting to know them too. Be careful not to make this feel like an interrogation. Be flowy, show emotion, and build off their responses to show genuine interest!  

Step 4: Do things together. Emphasize quality time. (Bonus points if you prioritize free time with them outside of regularly scheduled programming, like class or Bible study.) Also, remember to spend lots of time with your new friends. Not only is quality time important, but also the frequency of spending time is too. The more often you hang out with people, the more you get to know and appreciate them on a deeper level.  

Step 5: Stick with each other through hardships. Proverbs 17:17 states: “A friend loves at all times, but a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Some of your best memories can be made when going through difficulties with new friends. Something about sharing struggles and laughing off tough times with people will grow you so much closer. We must remember too, friendship requires risk and sacrifice.  With this risk can come hurt as well. There will be hard and tough lessons. But sometimes these tough lessons will bring amazing changes and help you grow.  

Loneliness is a real thing, but you shouldn’t just bask in these feelings and not do anything about them. God calls for His followers to be in unity with each other, as Ecclesiastes 4:12 mentions. “A threefold cord is not easily broken.” The church is a place of true community, and you’re welcome to be a part of it. Don’t just be “around.” Get involved. Learn about the people next to you and let them know you. Get the most out of your attendance times. Let down those walls and don’t be afraid of a little awkwardness. You must be a friend to have friends. So don’t be afraid to make that first approach and find your inner extrovert.