Book Review: Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With?

RE-PRINT FROM ISSUE 83

For many, the Christian views on sex—and specifically what the Bible teaches about it—seem outdated at best and legalistic at worst. In his 2020 book, Allberry seeks to address the issues of sexuality from a biblical standpoint, helping readers—Christian or not—understand God’s design for sexual union. 

Far from writing a book that’s out of touch with today’s world, Allberry instead addresses many modern-day issues that revolve around sexuality. He doesn’t shy away from addressing hard topics such as abuse, consent, and homosexuality. In addressing such, he proves that sexuality matters to us all. “If #MeToo has shown us anything, it is that our sexuality matters profoundly. Its violation leads to the deepest emotional and psychological damage, quite apart from the physical scars it leaves” (loc. 90) and “…the pain of sexual assault is not the pain of a grazed knee but the trauma of holy space being desecrated. Maybe our bodies are less like playthings and more like temples.” (loc. 319).  

Critics may chastise Christians for being too restrictive about sexual morals, but Allberry points out that all people—including critics—place restrictions on sexual behavior. He says, “What is distinctive about the Christian understanding of sexual ethics, then, is not the presence of boundaries but where those boundaries are located and for what reason” (loc. 286). For the Christian, the boundaries are coherent and unchanging, whereas the boundaries of our cultural code are constantly changing.  

The heart of the book explains what sex is for. More than just a mere “passage of fluids,” it is a deeply sacred and unifying act (which, by the way, was God’s idea, not ours). Allberry writes, “Sex is God’s appointed way for two people to reciprocally say to one another, ‘I belong completely, permanently, and exclusively to you’” (loc. 522). He goes on to explain, “sex is fundamentally about giving, and about giving our whole self to someone” (loc. 615). The Bible’s design for sex is not at all prudish. For the Christian, it is deeply sacred, and therefore highly honored.  

The final two chapters tie it all together with an explanation of the bigger and better story behind our sexuality, further explaining why sex is so sacred for the Christian. “God has given us this whole dimension in life—making us sexual beings and giving us this instinct towards lifelong partnership—precisely to point us to the deeper and greater reality of his covenant love for us in Christ” (loc. 1700).  

Allberry carefully walks the reader through the grand story of the Bible—that God has prepared His people, the Church, as a bride for their bridegroom, Jesus Christ. Marriage and romantic fulfillment are just shadows of this greater reality. “We sense there is something profound and meaningful that is meant to be discovered…but rather than seeing it as a sign of something greater, we mistake it for the reality itself” (loc. 1706).  

Ultimately, the pulse that runs through the veins of the entire book is this: “God cares who we sleep with because he cares deeply about the people who are doing the sleeping” (loc. 51).