90 Issues But Puns Aren’t One
WHERE WORDS FAIL US, PUNS PREVIAL
What do animals, life, WOTS magazine, sports, food, holidays and nature have in common? You can make puns about them. We at WOTS appreciate a good play on words. So, to celebrate this beloved moment of 90 issues, we compiled a list of 90 puns. Don’t just read these to yourself but read them out loud with friends to maximize the effect. Well, how about we get to those cringe-worthy puns!
Animals
- I was going to tell a joke about dogs…but I felt it was a little far-fetched.
- I think cats are a purr-fect lap warmer.
- Don’t play Koi with me!
- The best way to communicate with fish is to drop them a line.
- Owls are a real hoot.
- Pig puns are really boaring.
- I used to have many fish, but I had to scale back.
- I don’t like playing with big cats; they are such cheetahs.
- I just watched a documentary about beavers…it was the best dam show I ever saw.
- It looks like my cat’s sick…he doesn’t seem to be feline well.
Sports
11. I dropped the ball on that one.
12. I finally got my golf game down to a T.
13. I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang and then it came back to me.
14. I wondered where the ball was. Then it hit me.
15. Basketball sued tennis. Now they must go to court.
16. Why did the basketball player visit the bank? His check bounced.
17. Why does an octopus perform poorly on a basketball court? It’s always getting tentacle fouls.
18. Why are cats so bad at basketball? They shoot too many hair-balls.
WOTS (Word on the Street)
19. Tell that printer to toner down.
20. We have WOTS of issues.
21. My pen knows how to make a point. It gets write to it.
22. We at WOTS know how to be pun-tural in our writing.
23. We will, we will, Wots you!!
24. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
25. I recently got crushed by a pile of books. But I suppose I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Life
26. All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
27. The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
28. The husband told his wife that he was impressed by the garlic press.
29. I’m glad I know sign language. It’s pretty handy.
30. I slammed my hand in the rent-a-car door. It hertz.
31. I go down by the river to skip rocks and catch up on current events.
32. “I will iron out all the details later,” said the man pressed for time.
33. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
34. My doctor said I had type A blood, but it was a type O.
35. I don’t always surf the Internet, but when I do, eyebrows.
36. My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
37. I don’t trust stairs. They are always up to something.
Biblical
38. Who was the biggest financial whiz in the Bible? Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
39. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
40. God answers knee mail.
41. At what time of day was Adam created? A little before Eve.
42. Aaron and Moses came from the tribe of Levi because they had the right jeans.
43. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
44. Boaz was Ruth-less before marriage.
Occupation
45. The librarian did things by the book.
46. The electrician was revolted when he found a loose wire with his hand.
47.The locksmith had a turn-key operation. He was very good with the door-to-door service and had a handle on most situations.
48. I would have been a farmer, but it wasn’t my field.
49. I used to work for a company that made submarines, but they went under.
50. I’ve been to the dentist many times. I know the drill.
51. The chef’s assistant asked for a rolling pin but was told to not be so kneady.
52. If a short psychic broke out of jail, you’d have a small medium at large.
Nature
53. The tree said it is time to embark on a new journey.
54. Water will go back up in the sky in dew time.
55. What kind of coffee grinder does a snowman use? A burr grinder.
56. Mother nature can be snow flaky this time of year.
Education
57. I can hear music coming out from my printer. I think the paper’s jammin’ again.
58. Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
59. I would tell you another chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon!
60. The sun doesn’t need to go to college. It already has 28 million degrees.
61. I show up to my science class periodically.
62. What do you get when you throw a bunch a books into the ocean? A title wave.
63.No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
64. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
65. For the class trip to the Coca-Cola factory, I hope there’s no pop quiz.
66. The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this.
Things
67. My television is paranoid. It feels like it’s being watched.
68. I had a dream that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
69. Coffee is the silent victim in our house. It gets mugged every day.
70. I gave all my dead batteries away. They were free of charge!
71. A friend of mine was given an acoustic guitar for free. Of course, strings were attached.
72. I heard there was a new store called moderation. They have everything there.
73. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”
Food
74. That omelet looks like an egg-cellent choice.
75. Being a vegetarian is a big missed-steak.
76. I hate jokes about German sausage. They’re the wurst.
77. Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
78. I tried to finish the leftovers, but my plans were foiled.
79. Do you want to come to my tea party? At least give it a chai!
80. Double stuffed. Either you like it, Oreo you don’t.
81. A melty ice cream cone is a problem, but I’m sure I can lick it.
82. Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m ok, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
83. I just burned 2,000 calories! That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Places
84. England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
85. The Irish are wealthy since their capital is always Dublin.
Holiday
86. Jokes at Thanksgiving can be so fowl.
87. Don’t forget to put out the fire in the fireplace. Otherwise, you may end up with a krisp Kringle.
88. The Christmas spirit really soots you.
89. Do you like Christmas trees? Fir sure you do!
90. There’s snow place like home for the holidays
Sources:
https://thinkaboutsuchthings.com/bible-puns-and-church-puns/
https://www.sharefaith.com/blog/2016/06/top-15-bible-dad-jokes/
https://basketballbuckets.com/basketball-puns-jokes/
https://www.rd.com/article/christmas-puns/