Stout Art Students Protest to Get Midterms Like Everyone Else

MENOMONIE, WI—Assembled outside the Furlong Gallery, a large group of art students gathered on Monday to protest the lack of midterms given for art classes. Art students are currently assigned multiple smaller projects for a useless experience to help them adjust to their future unemployment. 

“We want the same tests as everyone else because students who get tests make more money post-graduation,” said enthusiastic freshman Cindy Main. 

Art students have long suffered segmented projects that draw out the assignment for longer than necessary but amply prepare them for a lifetime of busywork. In contrast, standardized tests help students learn how to be good at taking tests in real life.

“Who would want to work through a bunch of smaller projects when they could just take one quiz?” said sophomore Jordan Newman. “I just want to procrastinate till the last moment, then take a quiz and not think about it again till December. Plus, I want to be prepared for a future dream where I find myself in a class for a final that I never prepared for because I didn’t know I had that class.”

The University of Wisconsin Stout put out a statement supporting students’ wishes to be given exams: “It has been proven that students work better under a mass amount of pressure instead of prolonging their education by distributing their projects equally throughout the semester. The School of Art and Design recognizes that its students want to be treated fairly and put in the same box as the rest of the university.”

Senior Natasha Luis said, “I’m so excited to start taking tests about cardboard animals instead of making animals out of cardboard. I’m going to get way better grades and save so much time.”

In response, art professors met together yesterday to figure out how to create a standard test. Professors forced themselves to actually crack open the textbooks they assign to create a test from their existing material. 

Now that students can conform art to true or false answers, expected enrollment for the school’s art and design program is projected to increase dramatically.

* Yes, this is satire.