Drop the Solo Act

DON’T LET PURPOSE ANXIETY DICTATE YOUR LIFE

“Find your life-changing energy!” “Create a truly unique academic path that’s designed around your goals – no matter what they are!” “Advance the science and application of meaning and purpose in life!” If you thought these declarations were from a wilderness wellness retreat, you would be forgiven for getting the wrong impression. No, these are from the website of a publicly funded university in Fort Collins: Colorado State University (CSU). The whole school oozes its brand of finding yourself with every click. They’re honestly smart and savvy because it’s working. Their marketing strategy is laser-focused on tapping into the angst of young people pondering a vital crossroads in their life.   

Unless they’re a total anarchist, those leaving behind high school are generally consumed with figuring out what they’re supposed to do next. It’s not just the “what” either. It’s also figuring out the meaning behind it. Why am I here? What’s the point of all this? “Purpose anxiety” is a term coined in 2014 that speaks to the gnawing sense that you have a purpose in life, but it’s unclear how to discover it. The advice to “find your purpose” is so ingrained and widespread that, instead of being inspirational, it can feel burdensome and even paralyzing.  

According to Todd Kasdan, a professor at George Mason University and founder of its Well-Being Laboratory, purpose should not be thought of as something that governs your behavior. He says it should be a like a compass you choose to follow that helps you “direct your energies toward a central life aim.” A sense of purpose can help “close that gap between who you are and what you ideally want to become,” he said. Sounds nice, right? But there’s a problem with this sentiment. It’s all focused on you. That 3-letter word is where we’re going to peel off from the narrative you might have expected. If finding your purpose is all about you, then you’re going to miss it.   

The Problem With Going It Alone  

Imagine you’re an actor without a plan and you spend the entire performance flipping through different scripts. There’s an entire stack of options in front of you, yet you’re having a terrible time choosing. You know that once you do, you have to commit to the bit. Grabbing the first one off the top, you mumble a few lines from a play about “Living Off the Grid” but let it fall to the floor and try reading a scene from “Being an Influencer” instead. Next is a rather thick script called “Endless Education.” You drop that one in a flash and try “Bucket List Challenge” instead. Any audience member viewing this spectacle would be confused by the spectacle they’re witnessing.  

Just like a play has a central story with all the actors having a part, every one of us is part of a larger story where we have a role to play. But you have to be looking at the right source and playing your part from the same material.  

It’s daunting to attempt to figure out your unique direction in a world brimming with opportunities, all while grappling with the logistics and barriers that inevitably crop up. Like flipping through endless scripts, we try different things, but nothing works. Everything costs money, sleep is necessary, and everybody we encounter has competing theories about what you should be doing with your life. Plus, there’s this marching drumbeat of death. We are anxious because underneath it all, we have no control.   

This aching pressure to figure it all out makes us react in a few different ways. It’s very common to give up and go with the flow. That’s why you’ll see most people subscribe to the “normie” life, exclusively seeking education, marriage, kids, house, retirement. These people are chameleons who morph and conform to live like everyone else. Even though it could be a very busy and outwardly successful life, it will still be empty.  

Another group of people throw everything at the wall to figure out what sticks. They’ll say yes to as many wild adventures as they can, seeking a network of influential people and collecting as many experiences as possible. As exciting as a life like that could be (for a while at least), people who are “living large” will crash and burn at the end, like Anthony Bourdain. He was a globetrotting celebrity, chef, author, and travel documentarian, who killed himself in a hotel room at the height of his fame. Still others will purposely be subversive. Whatever the flow of society dictates, they’ll seek to do the opposite, living as far outside of the confines of it as possible. “It’s all meaningless, so I’m going to do what I want.” This is bad too. 

Trading in Your Fantasies  

Maybe you’re seeing yourself in one of these buckets. So here’s the bucket of cold water: outside of God, you’ll never find your purpose. If you want to disentangle yourself from solving the impossible formula of figuring life out, seek God. If you do, you’ll find that people may find you very strange indeed, but you’ll also discover that this life is much more wild and beautiful than you could have ever dreamt up. It becomes like a full orchestra with every musician playing their instruments in harmony with one another. If that sounds too cliché, you’re getting in your own way again.  

Many people believe finding their purpose hinges on their wants, aspirations, and dreams, but it actually hinges on trading in your fantasies for the assignment you were born for. The only way to find it is to surrender to the greater story, God’s story. It’s believing that not only is it possible to step into the role and destination ascribed to you from the beginning, it’s mandatory. By fitting into that spot designed for you by God, you can finally realize what you’re in search of: peace, contentment, and satisfaction.  

Everyone has purpose anxiety because deep within our souls we’re aching to find our place. When we insist on going our own way, that anxiety deepens and manifests itself in ways that can never be fulfilling. Before you can ever discover what you were made for and find true joy, you must come to the point of surrender to the God who knew you before you were born.   

Your Unexpected Purpose  

Don’t get stuck thinking this will all play out like some perfect performance. Living out your purpose is never linear or neat. Even Jesus spent His twenties laboring as a carpenter before He stepped out into the gritty work of ministry. The musician doesn’t suddenly pop up playing first chair in the cello section out of nowhere. There were a lot of twists and turns, years of training and hard work, and a necessity to hang tight when it got hard. 

On top of all that, they have the freedom to drop out any time and go solo. But if they do, the conductor will just find someone else. God’s song and story will play out no matter what your participation looks like. You can continue to try and defy the odds and scrabble together a life that gives you some semblance of purpose, or you can surrender and play the song together with other people who are also following their purpose.   

Surrendering to God is that elusive key you’ve been searching for. That aching knot in your stomach when you think about your future dissolves when you go, “You know what? This isn’t working.” Your purpose is still uniquely “you,” but it’s not yours anymore. It’s for your joy, for the conductor’s joy, and for anyone else who catches a glimpse of this strange band and chooses to also turn from their wandering ways to join in. Your purpose is discovering the very niche spot and role God made you to play, and playing it as expressively and in sync as you possibly can.   

“And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6)  

“You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.” (Proverbs 19:21)