Live, Laugh, Lust
WHY PORN ISN’T GOOD
Jenny was only in eighth grade when she was contacted by a man on Facebook and told she could make some money modeling. The man asked her to send videos, including ones of her naked. We know how this story ends…
Convinced she could make easy money and believing the promise that her photos would be kept confidential, Jenny agreed. She sent the videos, was never paid, and moved on trying to forget it ever happened. Until one day, her friend let her know her videos are on Pornhub, XVideos, and who knows how many more.1 Hundreds of thousands of people have watched those videos for their pleasure in the quiet of their own home, most assuming that the girl behind the camera is happy to be posing for all to see.
Stories like this are all too common as the origin of and consent to participation in pornographic content are extremely hard to confirm. This is just one of many dangers advocates against pornography are bringing to the forefront of the conversation, and for good reason.
Fight the New Drug is a non-religious nonprofit founded by four college students that want to provide others with the opportunity to make an educated choice regarding porn. Since 2009, they’ve raised awareness of pornography’s harmful effects while holding to their values: “research-based, education-focused, sex-positive, and freedom-preserving.”7
By bringing to light the strong ties of pornography and sexual exploitation, Fight the New Drug aims to educate others on the realities of what’s going on behind the scenes. The grassroots movement cites secular, reputable sources that call out the damaging effects porn has not just on the individual who chooses to view it, but on those that person is around in the day to day, and on society as a whole:
“A major study published in The British Journal of Criminology this year found that one in eight videos on three major sites…depicted sexual violence or nonconsensual conduct. Some show intoxicated or unconscious women or girls being raped.”8
“According to cases reported to the National Human Trafficking Hotline, pornography was the third most common form of sex trafficking, after escort services and illicit massage businesses.”9
“Regular porn consumers might tell themselves that they aren’t personally affected by porn or the toxic messages it perpetuates, but research suggests otherwise. There is no guarantee that porn won’t affect a consumer’s attitudes about sex in unhealthy ways.”10
Whether the scene is violent or not, repeated exposure to these videos and images normalizes the content and rewires the brain. Viewers are training their minds to think differently about sex than it was made to.
Porn is a master over-promiser. Porn’s never going to refuse you, always going to accept you, always going to be there. It feels like it’s always going to comfort you. And in the moment, it does… but it’s only a matter of time before you need the next fix.
FALSE PROMISES
For some, viewing porn has become a regular rhythm of life. And there’s a reason people turn to it and masturbation. They want relief. An escape. The stress and pain of life, an underlying loneliness, the lust for pleasure… Porn promises to alleviate all these. Porn has become a culturally normal coping mechanism.
For others, porn has become a substitute for pursuing an actual relationship. It’s easier to live in a world of fantasies than to put yourself out there and risk rejection. Living in scenarios you’ve made up in your mind excuses you from the effort it takes to get to know and care for someone else.
Porn is a master over-promiser. It’s never going to refuse you, always going to accept you, always going to be there. It feels like it’s always going to comfort you. And in the moment, it does. The Bible names what we experience when sin feels right in the moment: “fleeting pleasures” (Hebrews 11:25). The problem is they never last for long. Porn temporarily satisfies the gratification you’re looking for, but it’s only a matter of time before you need the next fix. The next time the craving comes around, you’re addicted. If you think it doesn’t have its teeth in you, try to quit watching and see.
GUILT & SHAME
Apart from the radical sex-positive community, it’s rare that people want to admit that they watch porn. They do it to get their fix but few feel good about it. For many it brings on new levels of loneliness because they don’t have that kind of intimacy in real life.
Especially for Christians who are well aware of God’s plan for sex, a pornography addiction, or even the occasional “slip up,” brings a raging level of guilt and shame. And rightfully so. Guilt and shame are not bad things. They’re indicators. It’s your conscience alerting you you’re going the wrong way. The world will tell you porn is good and healthy. Then why does it feel so wrong?
A BIGGER PROBLEM
A porn addiction isn’t just a “you” problem. Guilt and shame make us run and hide. We isolate and get irritable, and the people around us can feel the tension our sin brings. Choosing to watch porn might feel like a personal decision, especially if you are single, but what decision in your life doesn’t affect the people around you? Your sin and your choices directly affect those around you. If you’re a part of a church, that includes those who are a part of that community.
If you’re trapped in a porn addiction and want out, there is a way to live free. Jesus never told us to clean up our lives before we come to Him. Instead, He said just the opposite: “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent” (Luke 5:31-32, NLT).
To see change in this area of your life, you need to be honest with someone around you. It’s time to get serious about sexual sin because God sure is. He says those who are sexually immoral will not see the Kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). While watching porn is no more of a sin than anything else (like over-eating, lying, or being a jerk), it’s still a way people are choosing to live life contrary to the way God created us to. We’re called to deal with any sin in our life, this one included.
The great thing about a Christian community is you can share the nitty-gritty with those around you and nothing will surprise them. We know that all have sinned and fall short (Romans 3:23). When you start to open up more to those around you, you’ll build deeper connections and chances are they know exactly what you’re going through, or maybe are there themselves.
A BETTER WAY
Romans 7 talks about the struggle of living enslaved to something you don’t want to do anymore. No matter how hard the author tries, he can’t stop doing what he hates. This is exactly what it feels like to be trapped in something that God does not want for you, to be trapped in sin. With sex and all other areas of life, He’s given us a better way.
God does not think sex is disgusting. He made it to be enjoyed. The only way it can be truly enjoyable and free of shame is to live our lives in this area according to His guidelines. If you have questions about sex, ask someone you trust! Talk to your friends; talk to married people in your church. The desire to have sexual intimacy is not a wrong thing, but if you look this up on the internet, you know where it’s going to lead.
God is calling us to trust His way and not be reliant on ourselves for what’s best for our lives. If you move to trust Him on this, don’t be surprised when you’re tempted to go back to it. Temptation is not a sin. You can choose to invite God in and ask Him to give you new desires. You can choose to lock down your browsing ability with accountability software. God promises to help us handle it: “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure” (1 Corinthians 10:13, NLT).
Jesus doesn’t want you to be a slave to anything. He wants you to be sober-minded, self-controlled, and not at the mercy of any urge you feel in a moment. He came to free you from all your addictions and dependence on things that will not fully satisfy you. If you’re ready to go to war, watch what God has the power to free you from. There is no addiction too strong for Him.
Ready for change? Join our faith-based mentorship program for those dealing with any addiction (alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, porn, etc.). Call The Blind Munchies Coffeehouse in Menomonie, WI for more info: 715-235-9300.
1 nytimes.com/2021/04/16/opinion/sunday/companies-online-rape-videos.html
2 gitnux.org/pornography-industry-statistics/
3 pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30358432/
4 fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-can-distort-consumers-understanding-of-healthy-sex/
5 covenanteyes.com/blog/questions-about-christians-and-porn/
6 covenanteyes.com/pornstats/
7 fightthenewdrug.org/about/
8 nytimes.com/2021/04/16/opinion/sunday/companies-online-rape-videos.html
9 polarisproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Polaris-2019-US-National-Human-Trafficking-Hotline-Data-Report.pdf
10 fightthenewdrug.org/ways-porn-is-connected-to-real-sexual-violence-fast-facts/