The Stench of Self-Love
WHAT THE DEAD SEA AND US HAVE IN COMMON
In the Middle East, there are two bodies of water into which the Jordan River flows: the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea. The former is a vibrant, life-giving ecosystem–birds flock to it, fish thrive in it, and plants grow in and near it. The latter is a place of death and decay where only microorganisms such as bacteria can grow. How can this be possible, when both bodies of water are fed from the same pure source?
It’s a problem of output, not input. The waters in the Sea of Galilee do not terminate on themselves, but rather, they flow into another tributary. On the other hand, the waters in the Dead Sea have nowhere to go. The only way out is by evaporation–resulting in a huge concentration of salts and other rich mineral deposits. If you’ve ever seen a bucket of water that has been sitting for too long, you know what I mean. It’s nasty business. So, what can we learn from these two bodies of water? I dare say, one of the most important lessons of our lives… a lesson about love.
In our world today, it seems like everyone is talking about “self-love,” or the “state of appreciation for oneself.”1 According to Elizabeth Jarquin, Ph.D., “self-love teaches you the importance of putting yourself first.”2 That can look different for each person, but generally, it is “prioritizing, trusting, being true to, and forgiving yourself when you aren’t being true or nice to yourself.”3
Some people claim that Jesus Christ taught His followers to practice self-love. They interpret His words, “love your neighbor as yourself” as “you must love yourself before you can love your neighbor.” If you compare this with His other teachings, you’ll come to realize that He’s not promoting self-love. He knows we don’t need to be taught how to love ourselves, since we’re already very good at it. Consider the following: Did you bathe, dress, and feed yourself today? Whose face do you look for first in a group photo? Who was the person you thought of most yesterday? It’s obvious: self-love comes naturally to all of us.
“Have you considered that focusing so much on yourself is what’s making you miserable?”
Jesus’ point is that we should take that massive love affair we have with ourselves and apply it to the people around us. Would the guy who said “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me”5 teach the opposite? Doubtful. Basically, He’s saying you should be loving your neighbor as you already love yourself.
John, who was one of Jesus’ closest friends, wrote “God is love.”6 If that’s true, then to understand love, we must first understand God. A big task, right? Well, it’s not that complicated. To know who God is, we just need to get to know Jesus. He said, “If you had known me, you had known the father.”7
Look at Jesus’ life in the Bible (go ahead, I dare you). Did He ever prioritize Himself? Nope. Trust Himself? Nah. Forgive Himself? No. Put Himself first? I can’t think of a single time! His ultimate act of love was displayed when He sacrificed Himself to forgive the people that brutally murdered Him. Boy, am I glad Jesus didn’t prioritize loving Himself that day! God’s love flowed through Jesus like the Jordan River flows through the Sea of Galilee. That love was vibrant, active, and life-giving. Ultimately, Jesus’ life and death caused and still causes humanity to flourish.
Have you considered that focusing so much on yourself is what’s making you more miserable? Studies have shown that too much focus on oneself is associated with anxiety and depression.8 Imagine if you made a huge mistake in a group project and caused everyone to get a lesser grade. If you focus your attention on what you did wrong and how the group perceives you, you will most likely get trapped in a cycle of self-doubt, regret, and hopelessness. This could lead to depression about your own character and anxiety about future group projects.
Researchers have also found a cyclical link between material consumption and loneliness: “When we purchase material possessions (even in the name of self-love), we surprisingly feel lonely, so we try and soothe ourselves through buying more, but this only makes us feel worse.”9 Apparently, “self-love” isn’t working too well.
Instead of being like the Dead Sea, we were meant to be like the Sea of Galilee. True love is meant to flow out of us and produce life, instead of terminate on us. Imagine what the world would be like if we started thinking and living this way! If we were better at loving each other, then we wouldn’t need to focus on loving ourselves so much.
1 bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means
2 forbes.com/health/mind/how-to-practice-self-love
3 ibid.
4 Mark 12:31
5 Luke 9:23
6 1 John 1:8
7 John 14:7
8 https://irl.umsl.edu/urs/39/#:~:text=Researchers%20have%20linked%20self%2Dfocus,mental%20illness%20in%20the%20country
9 time.com/6271915/self-love-loneliness/