Swiping Left on Dating Apps
BE DIFFERENT WHEN IT COMES TO DATING
God works in many mysterious ways, and sometimes we can spoil the wonder and awe of a miracle by working ahead of Him. Online dating apps have become more common practice, but just because you can use them, does not mean you should. You might just be working ahead of what God already has in motion.
SURPRISING STATS
A study was done with 3,500 college students about their participation in Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Coffee Meets Bagel, Grindr, and Match. The goals of the candidates came down to seven categories: dating to boost ego, find friends, land casual dates, be entertained, discover love, score hook-ups, or get nudes.
The top percentages fall in the “entertainment” and “casual dating” categories, which shows that the levels of commitment most users have, are relatively low. These are not great statistics for Christians looking for relationships that lead to marriage.
If you are really looking for long lasting, godly love via online dating apps, it very well might be a waste of time. Are the risks of encountering people with ulterior motives, shady backgrounds, and deceitful profiles really worth it? You want someone with the right mindset on love and relationships, and the best way to determine that is by first seeing how the Bible defines it.
THE GOAL OF ONLINE DATING ACCORDING TO ABODO*
WHAT TO LOOK FOR AS A CHRISTIAN
The Bible defines love as this “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”2 In contrast, society tends to chalk love up to fickle feelings and romanticized sexual tensions. The question to ask then is, can you find these characteristics of love described in 1 Corinthians via the web? Simply put, no. Actions must be seen in person.
Obviously, in-person dates can be set up, but knowing how a person lives on the day-to-day is different than, say, a scheduled dinner. You should find out more about a person than just how they eat a steak or score at mini golf. For example, you should see how they respond when you are having a bad day, or even a bad week. Do they carry your burdens with you by intentionally helping as a teammate does? You should see how they humble themselves in a disagreement. Do they have enough humility to admit when they are wrong? Or even if they are not in the wrong, are they still willing to put differences aside for the sake of the relationship?
You should take note of their tone with you. Do they speak kindly to you, always being mindful of how their message may come across? Take note of how they respect physical boundaries. Do they choose to honor your mind and heart first before even considering anything physical? Considerations like these take time, and more so with a screen in between.
Lastly, it is worth noting the numerous factors that are out of our control when it comes to godly relationships. After all, you cannot force a genuine romantic connection. There is a reason the saying, “match-made in heaven”exists. Relationships take a good degree of faith and surrender.
SURRENDERING THE SPECIFICS
The most important thing to keep in mind when pursuing a relationship is God’s decision on the matter. You can be assured that God will be working in the very thing He designed, that being marriage. God actually cares about your love life, so He has already worked out the specifics. So, pray about your desire for a relationship and trust that God will answer your prayer in the way He deems best. The next step would be to get (or stay) involved in a local church to serve with other Christ followers.
That automatically sets you up for better when you are doing life alongside people who are on the same track spiritually, mentally, and even moralistically. Besides, no matter if God has marriage planned for you or not, being planted in a church puts you in the best position to follow what God desires for you in all areas of your life.
REFLECTION
It can be tempting to rush or fight for control in an area of life that is constantly brought up in our culture: from movies, to friend groups, at school, with family, etc. However, as a Christian you are called to surrender what you want for what God wants. Ask yourself before you participate in online dating: Are you acting out of fear or impatience? Is your main focus on loving God and others first? Are you in the position God wants you in the most, that being a local church community? Are you trying to force your own will? Or are you trusting that whatever story He writes is the one that is best for you?
1https://www.rentable.co/blog/swipe-right-love/
21 Corinthians 13:4-7