Becoming Midwestern
OPE! THIS HERE IS A GUIDE TO SPEAKING NASALLY YET POLITE
Not from around here? This quick-read guide will help you interpret the slang and cultural context of the great American Midwest. After familiarizing yourself with some of the key words and phrases of our area, you’ll be ready to adopt some of the complex cultural practices that accompany being a true Midwesterner.
You’ll want to take note of these key social norms to avoid any potentially uncomfortable situations.
LOCAL GREETINGS
When you make eye contact while walking past anyone, stranger, or friend, always smile and say, “Hi!”. When someone asks you, “How’s it goin?”, the only acceptable answer is “good”. Do not elaborate, they don’t actually want to know.
HANDLING CONVERSATIONS AND ENCOUNTERS
Never directly ask for anything. Phrase your request as if you’re asking the other person. Example: if you really want to go to the movies, ask, “Do you want to go to the movies?” (Hint: to really blend in, add the key phrase ‘er no’ to the end of this sentence). Avoid clear, firm statements that may incriminate yourself as having an opinion, such as “I want to go out for ice cream”. When someone asks your opinion, never give a direct answer. It’s better to use this reliable phrase, “Oh, I dunno, what do you think?”
Avoid clear, firm statements that may incriminate yourself as having an opinion
When you bump into someone or have any regrettable encounter where the only option is for you or the other person to go first, always say, “Ope, sorry, go ahead” and continue to repeat this phrase until the other person gives in and goes first. There are no time limits on this discourse of social propriety, take as long as needed.
If you visit someone’s home, it is highly likely you will be offered refreshments. It’s imperative that you never give a resolute “yes” the first time you are asked – always politely refuse to avoid appearing gluttonous and greedy. Suggested phrases for refusal: “Oh gosh, no thank you, don’t bother yourself” or “Sorry, I just ate, couldn’t fit anymore in”. Continue this refrain when they ask again. If it comes around a third time, you have entered dangerous territory where continued denial now becomes highly distasteful. Enthusiastically accept, making profuse comments about the truly exceptional taste and quality.
SAFE DEPARTURES
Saying goodbye is a lengthy and particular operation. You must indicate your intentions to leave without actually using the word “goodbye”. Here’s a quick example: When the other party initiates an end to the conversation (indicated by the use of a “well” statement, see above), start by thanking them for their hospitality or good conversation.
Next, swiftly introduce a novel conversation point, such as the weather. Draw out this conversational point for 10-15 minutes, and then repeat, presenting a new one if they haven’t already done so. After a minimum of 30 minutes, you are safe to wrap up the exit process. If you find yourself in the uncomfortable position of having no good reason for leaving the conversation, simply end with, “Well, I’m gonna letcha go”, to give the impression that you do not want to take more of their time since they obviously have important places to be.
Remember, never say the word “goodbye”, but you may insert any of these suitable phrases for the actual sendoff: “stay healthy”, “stay warm”, “see you later”, “drive safe”, “watch out for deer” “say hi to [name] for me”.
KEY WORDS
The Cities
Minneapolis, MN and St. Paul, MN area.
Example: “Are you going to the cities this weekend?”
Ope /op/
Used exclusively when you bump into someone; may also precede the word “sorry” in any context.
Pop /pop/
Soda
Example: “Do you want a pop?”
Hot dish /hot dish/
A mixture of food items drenched in cream-of-something soup, baked, and commonly housed in a 9×13 casserole dish.
SLANG
You betcha!
Yes
Uffda!
Holy cow!
Oh my gosh!
For cryin’ out loud!
Cripes!
Jeepers!
No kiddin’!
Ah jeez!
Exclamations of surprise, disbelief, or frustration; we are a people easily taken aback and, thus, have developed a multitude of terms to convey this to one another.
PHRASES
Well, I’m gonna letcha go. OR Well, I spose.
“I don’t want to be here anymore.”
I’m just gonna to sneak right past ya.
“Move.”
Jeet?/j-eat/
“Did you eat yet?”
Real Quick
Add to any statement of intention to make it sound like you’re not going to inconvenience anyone by what you’re about to say or request.
Er no/err-no/
Common tag for the end of sentences to safely phrase your desires as questions instead of dogmatic statements.
Sorry/sOrry/
May be used as a precursor to any request.
Example: if your friend is speaking too quietly, say, “Sorry, I couldn’t hear that.”
Keep this guide handy; you never know when you’ll need a reference… just real quick.