When God Becomes Real

MOVING FROM THEORETICAL TO NECESSARY

I remember a friend inviting me to a week-long Christian camp the summer after eighth grade. We spent those hot summer days by the lake, making bead bracelets and performing skits around a fire as the sun set. Don’t roll your eyes; I loved every second of it. I’d never been to camp before. After all our fun and games, we filed into the chapel each night to pray together and worship. One night, my eyes wandered around the room while we sang a song I’d sung since childhood. My gaze became fixed on my cabin counselor Emily who was down the row from me. Her eyes were closed, and she stretched out her hands before her. She seemed to be smiling at something I couldn’t see. I’d been active in the church all my life and called myself a Christian, but I felt like an outsider at that moment. It took me by surprise.

In a rush of emotion, I slipped away from the crowd to get some air. Emily noticed and followed me out. I don’t remember everything we said, but I remember being angry. After seeing her, it was as if I understood that worshiping God should be done out of love for Him, but I felt very little. Looking back on that moment, I can see the wheels spinning in my mind. After all the “good things” I’d done in church, I questioned why I lacked passion in worship and in my spiritual life. I remember Emily telling me to hold out my hand and study it, to think about all the things that have to take place for my brain to tell my hand to form a shape and move. That was the first time I thought of God as the One to create not just the ocean and the stars but me individually. I remember leaving camp that week wishing someday I’d know God the way Emily did. To her, God wasn’t just a name thrown around at church. He was actually real.

MORE THAN COINCIDENCE

Fast forward four years, and through a series of very fortunate events, I found myself one Sunday morning in a church where some worshiped with hands raised, just like I’d seen at camp. It still felt foreign to me, and I certainly wasn’t about to join in, but I knew deep down that these people were like Emily. God was real to them. The first sermon I heard preached there was by a guest speaker who “coincidentally” addressed what was going on in my life almost perfectly. The pastor posed the question of why we keep getting burned by sin, and the first reason he gave was that we attach ourselves to people we shouldn’t. That described my relationship with the guy I was seeing at the time. It freaked me out. It’s like the pastor knew precisely what I was going through, but how? Years later, I can confidently say that it was God, by His grace, shouting to get my attention. That was the start of God becoming real to me. Although not audible, I heard Him speaking.

That was the start of God becoming real to me. Although not audible, I heard Him speaking.

Over the next few months, I saw the reality of God’s presence in the lives of these Christians. When they were hurting, they didn’t crumble or complain all too much. Their joy seemed unmatched. They didn’t recite prayers from a binder or a screen; they prayed with their own words, with honesty, and in confidence that God would hear and answer them. They showed an interest not just in showing up to church on Sundays but in making sure I knew I could know God too. They came after me, time after time, with dinner invitations, walks, and conversations. It was through the love of these people that God, and His love for me, became real.

LOVE BRINGS CHANGE

The more I saw God through the people at my new church, and by reading the Bible, the more I knew I couldn’t measure up to His standard of perfection. I saw how unworthy I was of His love as my sin unfolded before me. I couldn’t seem to stop doing the things I didn’t want to do. Before I knew it, “accepting Jesus into my heart” wasn’t just a cool catchphrase from camp anymore but a necessity. Back in high school, I wanted the passion I saw in Emily but didn’t know how to get there. I was self-righteous and didn’t see my sin. I was rigid, controlling, and sure I knew the right way to live. I wanted to know God on a superficial level but didn’t realize how desperately I needed Him. When I finally saw my need, the news of the gospel was a cool drink of water. I saw that Jesus is a real person and I trusted that His death and resurrection opened the way for me to know God. No more need to strive for perfection, no need to fear rejection or making mistakes. I was free. Even still, the reality of God demanded a change in my life. I couldn’t keep living thinking I was right. And so my ongoing, very ongoing, journey of humility and life with God began.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

In the Bible, people change after meeting Jesus and accepting His mission. Consider Peter, who gave up his livelihood as a fisherman to follow Christ, became one of the first disciples, and started building the first church. Peter wasn’t content with just knowing Jesus for himself. He wanted to tell other people about Him. He made his fair share of mistakes, like denying Jesus not once but three times, but if you study his life, you’ll see God still used him. God has given me purpose and a job to do, too, and I’m here for it.

Now it’s been ten years since I stepped into my church for the first time. In preparing to write this, I went back to listen to that first Sunday sermon I ever heard. I hadn’t remembered this from the first time around, but in that message from 2012, the pastor referenced going back to listen to his first Sunday sermon ten years prior. He shared his experience of hearing God’s voice and knowing the direction of his life was about to change forever because of it. Coincidence? I think not. I couldn’t help but laugh and thank God for yet another display of His reality, love, and guidance in my life.

There’s a big difference between going to church a couple of Sundays and knowing from experience that God is real. After camp, I didn’t do anything to get to know God better. I just kept going to church mindlessly. A miracle in my life was God’s providence (His protective care) to bring me to a church where He is working and where I would see and hear Him. God’s reality means that He doesn’t just get my attention on Sundays but every day of the week. He is as real as any human sitting next to me. The reality of God leaves me worshiping. His reality brings my sin to the surface. He’s faithful to show me when I’m falling back into religious motions and where I need to keep changing. God’s given me a fuller, more purposeful life than I could have made for myself, and I can’t imagine spending my life any other way. The reality of God came to me slowly, person by person, weird circumstance by weird circumstance, until one day, all by His mercy, I found Him undeniable.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. John 15:16 ESV