Quarterly Music Beat

A TESTIMONY FROM OUR FRIENDS AT BURNING DOG RADIO

Hey! My name is Rachel, and I’m breaking the fourth wall of the radio to tell you, “Thank you,” from all of us at Burning Dog Radio for listening to our station. We love curating our music for your enjoyment and encouragement. I’m one of the DJs, and I’m going to share my story of how Jesus redeemed my life of depression, a broken family, loneliness, and a whole lot more.

I was 10 when my parents separated and then divorced. This was when I started to wrestle with meaning, purpose, and love, all lightweights for a young kid. I went back and forth between households, which was fine, except when I had to play telephone for my parents. I took the anger they had for each other on myself. This made me feel like I was the reason for their unhappiness and their divorce. I felt like a burden. I was embarrassed to tell anyone because none of my close friends had divorced parents, and I wanted to protect my reputation.

My mental state declined as I believed the lie that I was unwanted, unloved, and a mistake in this world. By the time I was in high school, I didn’t believe there was a plan for my life. I was the girl in class making people laugh, and I was also on most teachers’ good side. But I still didn’t let people know what was happening at home or inside. There were a few moments in the middle of high school where I was thinking about ending my life, believing that no one would miss me and would be better off without me. They were all prideful thoughts, really, but thankfully something always pulled me out of it at the right time. I now know it was God intervening, but in between those saving moments, I still felt so alone and unseen and not cared about.

I searched the internet for pleasure, entertainment, and friends. The friendships I did have in real life were shallow, and I still never shared my hurting heart with these friends. I drank and smoked things I shouldn’t have, and I looked at things that I shouldn’t have on the internet. They were all temporary fixes for a problem only Jesus could fix. I was about to graduate from high school when a friend invited me to her youth group. After sporadically going to church my whole life, it was at these gatherings I finally heard that it was my sin that kept me from being close to God. He wanted me and had made a way possible for me to be close to Him by sending His Son Jesus to die on the cross for me two thousand years ago. After I surrendered my life, everything changed. I had been empty, looking inside myself for purpose, but all I found was garbage and evil thoughts. Now I was full of Jesus’ Spirit. He was making His home in me, telling me about how I wasn’t a mistake. He had a plan for me.

After I gave my life to Jesus, I had no idea what I was doing, but I had hope and excitement for my future, which I never had before! I went to college, and I found a Christian community called Street Level. I also sought out a church and started attending Believers City Church, getting involved in Burning Dog Radio as a DJ. It’s been a large part of how I have become a stronger Christian, by learning from others and being a servant.

Fast forward almost 10 years, and the way I think, speak, and act is radically different. God has blessed me more than I could ever have imagined with opportunities to serve Him and friends that are more like family. He’s also taken a lot away and let painful things happen to me. But at the end of the day, Jesus is enough and always knows what’s best for me, and I can trust Him. I am nowhere near finished, and I am still such a screwup, but Jesus said He’ll use me anyway. Thank God for that.