I Can’t Believe I Did That
A SHORT GUIDE TO SCREWING UP WELL
Have you ever made a huge mistake? I mean a really, really big one? Have you ever said the wrong thing, let your emotions get the best of you, or ever ruined a relationship?
What did you do about it?
Many of us react in one of two ways: we either ignore the issue altogether or we wallow in self-pity. However, neither of those tactics make the situation better, do they?
God isn’t surprised when we screw up, and we shouldn’t be either. When those times come around, and they will, we don’t have to be stuck. We can move on and do it well. Here’s where to start.
OWN IT
When we make mistakes, it is crucial that we take responsibility for what we’ve done. We can’t blame our past, our emotions, our circumstances, or other people. Even if those things do contribute to our failure, we are still responsible for how we react to them. When we humble ourselves and genuinely admit fault, the Bible promises that Jesus will forgive us: 1 John 1:9-11 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us” (NKJV).
Putting our failure into words and approaching those we’ve wronged can seem extremely intimidating. It would be far easier to let the relationship suffer or ignore it altogether. But, what we don’t realize is what we’re missing out on when we don’t own it. Proverbs 28:13 explains, “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy” (NKJV). That’s just it—when we keep these things bottled inside, we tell God, “Thanks, but I don’t need or want your mercy,” even though He is poised and ready to give it to us. There is much to be gained on the other side of our mistakes if we are willing to do the hard work to get there.
LEARN FROM IT
This life is not easy, and the Bible is full of narratives of imperfect people just like us. Jacob literally wrestled with God who broke his hip, Jonah tried running away from God and got swallowed by a huge fish, David slept with his friend’s wife and then killed his friend to cover it up, and Peter denied knowing Jesus at a very critical time.
Yes, all of these people failed in huge ways, but they all came out the other side knowing God better.
They didn’t waste their experience, and we don’t have to waste ours. We can learn how sinful we really are, what areas God is trying to point out in our life that need to change, and we can learn how faithful He is in the process. Some of the most intimate, real experiences with God happen when we’re in the most trouble. As much as it hurts, failure is always an opportunity to learn something new.
God isn’t surprised when we screw up, and we shouldn’t be either.
CHOOSE COMMUNITY
When we screw up, the people we have around us are crucial. If they are real friends, they won’t abandon us but will help us through it. Pastor Drew Hunter elaborates, “We need companions who sit with us in days of darkness. We need them to embody and remind us of Christ’s heart for sinners and sufferers. One of the greatest gifts we can give one another in depression is our companionship.”1
True community is only found within the local church. The church is a place where fellow Christians build deep, sincere relationships, and they don’t give up on each other. The commitment found there isn’t mustered up by willpower but rather it’s a reflection of how Jesus doesn’t give up on us, either. Do you have a community like this? It’s important to find where we belong as soon as possible so that others can help us when we mess up and we can also help them in return.
HOLD ONTO HOPE
If there is anyone who knows what it’s like to mess up big, it’s the Apostle Paul (formerly Saul). Before he became an apostle, he persecuted and killed Christians until the day, “a great light from heaven shone around me. And I fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to me, ‘Saul, Saul, why are persecuting Me?’” (Acts 22:6-7, NKJV). With a past like that, one would think he had a heavy conscience. But, in Philippians he writes, “forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward calling of God in Christ Jesus” (3:13-14, NKJV). He moved on because he wanted to pursue God’s calling in his life, despite his own failure. He had hope.
For us, it’s hard to have hope when we are flooded with thoughts like, “I shouldn’t have done that,” “Why am I such an idiot?” or, “How could I hurt them like that?” In that emotion, we can be led to make irrational decisions that can be costly and that we will likely regret later. Instead, stay put regardless of how hard it feels. Remember that God is faithful when we are not, and this is not the end of the story. There is more to come.
GIVE THANKS
Finally, moving on well means being thankful for what God has shown us and believing that we still have a future. It’s because of His kindness and mercy that we aren’t squashed every time we fall. Rather, like a loving Father, He reaches out to help us back up. We have a lot to be thankful for because we can keep going, we can keep failing, and we can keep getting up. It’s not over until we’re dead. That kind of mercy should make us sing.
All of us will screw up and make big mistakes. D. Michael Lindsey, president of a Christian college in Massachusetts, provides a helpful perspective when we find ourselves in that place: “If you let the failure get you down and you stay in that pit, you rob yourself of potential growth. Your past isn’t your future. It doesn’t define who you are or what the rest of your life will look like. What matters is what you do after you fail and how you move on.”2
It’s not so much if you screw up, but when. So, what will you do then?
1 Hunter, D. (2018, September 24). You won’t make it alone: Five reasons you need good friends. DesiringGod. desiringgod.org/articles/you-wont-make-it-alone. 2 Linsey, D.M. (2018, June 22). 3 ways to succeed in failure. The Gospel Coalition. thegospelcoalition.org/article/3-ways-succeed-failure