One Girl’s True Story

A SPIRIT-FILLED LIFE IS THE SOLUTION

Many times I tried, but I always grew too tired. A monster deep inside me was knocking, kicking, and jumping to get my attention, always hindering me from seeing the world. My life was misled, misunderstood, uncertain, and alone in the dark, so I always held onto the papers and pens to express myself. I used to think that every effort of writing could be my last letter to make. I was ready to give up because of the uncertainties and unanswered questions life was offering me.

I was totally weak. I could paint a piece of artwork, but not literally because the story was twisted. My paintbrush was a knife. And the canvas was my wrist. I was cheerful, happy, and joyful but dead and distracted inside. Fat but hungry for acceptance. Weird but full of dreams. A comforter who didn’t listen to my own advice I gave others. A perfect mold but broken inside. I have this childhood that was nothing but misery and doubting everyone, especially myself. I experienced bullying from my classmates when all I wanted was acceptance. I was a girl that could direct my thoughts and feelings to think about death or even not waking up tomorrow.

The most tragic times were the days over one week mid-February 2016 when I had a high fever. That same week my mother left our home because of another man. I felt like I was physically drowning because of my fever, and so I could do nothing to try and stop my mother from leaving.

Then, my brother came to me to share his experiences to find Christ, but it didn’t mean anything yet. After that, I went to graduate from my Junior High School and I had to make the decision about which school to enroll in for my upcoming senior years. I decided I needed to go to Leyte (Visayas), which was miles and miles from the place I grew up in for 16 years in Bukidnon (Mindanao).

Those two years of my senior years made me the person I never expected. I received Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour in my first year there in Leyte. A choice that will continue to determine the way I go in life. All I can say is that God is finding anyone in this world to share His words. I know how hard life was. It moves against all our wills because of its cruelty. Now, I tend to see the good despite how bad life seems. I try to blend the good to see the colors of life and God gave me more reasons to see the brightest moon and stars despite the dark. This life is a journey that we must take part in so He can grow us as an individual with Him. Even I was not pleased by my brother when he spoke to me about Christ, like an instrument who came to me in disguise. Life is about the Father’s love and it is all starting to help me realize and understand why I am here. The fog that still sometimes hinders me makes me realize I can now go on because Jesus is waiting for me on the other side. Even though I stayed lost many times, He didn’t give up on me. All I have wanted is for my life to be free, but now I know that a Spirit-filled life is the solution.

– Kesiya